Brought to you by Three
When a new couple gets married people shower them with questions all day long; is SHE pregnant yet? Are YOU pregnant yet? Until the female gets pregnant, and then they switch to: Boy or girl?! And when she reaches her fifth month and the gender of the baby is known the question becomes : Did you choose a name yet? If the answer was no, usually people make the same lame joke, assuming that the person talking is called X, this is how the conversation would go:
X: Any name in mind?
Parents: Not really
X: You should call him/her X, he/she’ll inherit my (Fill in the blank with a good feature, please exclude sense of humor).
Ha-Ha, how original! 🙄
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a carriage.
This is how it should always be, if you skip a step, or if you don’t rush into the next one then something’s terribly wrong with you.
Do people just assume that I want to have kids? I’m not saying that I don’t want to have kids, but it’s just that I can’t stand the thought of having my life pictured for me before I get a chance to realize what I really want, do I have to start picturing my wedding at the age of eight while playing with barbies just because this is the usual path people take?
Does a husband just assume that his wife won’t be able to wait until she carries his baby for nine months? Would he just assume that she will be willing to leave her goals, ambitions and dreams, place them aside and busy herself with baby-shopping? Or that she’ll be willing to dress like a tent for nine months? Perhaps he’ll assume that she’ll be eager to have her feet swollen, that she’ll sleep every night with the hope that she’ll wake up with a morning nausea? We’ll be carrying the baby for nine months, we’ll have to put up with all the back pains, the swollen feet, the nausea and the weight gain, and eventually we’ll breast feed the baby for months, not the father, not the mother in law and surely not our curious neighbours. Those people owe us to at least ask us if we want to have a baby, if we’re physically and emotionally ready for that, getting married does not mean that we want to have kids, or that we’re ready.
What? Do they get to take that decision on our behalf? Or does it come with the “advantage” of being someone’s wife?
This is the exact reason why most children do not get raised properly, this is why a huge number of kids are physically and emotionally abused by their parents, and this is of course the reason why a huge number of kids are neglected. Most people are eager to have kids because that is what they believe they should do, because it’s the “norm”, they just do it, ignorantly and without thinking, people do it, we should too.
If you think it is “Haram” not to have kids, you should think twice, it’s “haram” + inhuman + savage + heartless + stupid to have kids you won’t be able to support, both financially and emotionally.
The thought of having my child ask me a question I do not know the answer to freaks me out, the thought of my child being ill and me not being able to take his pain away is disheartening, when and if I decide to have kids, I want to make sure that I’ll be everything those weak, lovely, innocent, saintly creatures would need, the doctor, the mother, the friend, the teacher and even the plumber, I need to make sure that I wouldn’t be doing them injustice by bringing them to this life and not being able to take care of them.
The second you become a parent, you’re a parent for life, you can’t divorce your kids, and you can’t go back in time, you take years to think a relationship through and it takes you a decade to decide whether you should order regular soda or diet soda with your meal, take a couple of hours out of your very fruitful and busy life to think this through, if you can’t do it (Most males would be thinking to themselves right now: Eh, what the hell is she talking about! Of course I can do it! Is she questioning my sperm?) So ANYWAY, if you can’t do “the parenting thing” then don’t have kids, you’ll do yourself, your kids and society a huge, huge, huuuuuuuge favor.